Thoughts On My Colonoscopy
1. BAD IDEA: My attempt to run to the grocery store after taking the prescribed laxative drink. The hankering for Italian ice and ginger ale turned out to be not nearly so critical as proximity to a toilet.
2. SIMPLE TRUTH: On the information sheet the gastroenterologist provided, he wrote that “loose stools” would occur as a result of taking the aforementioned laxative drink. This is what we in the writing biz call an understatement. The truth is, you will feel as if you are peeing out your butt. There is no point in being coy about this. The day already holds enough unpleasant surprises.
3. THE BEST PART OF THE ENTIRE EXPERIENCE: Without a doubt, the anesthesia!! The operating room nurse compared it to “two glasses of wine at a cocktail party.” Well, maybe- if those two glasses of wine accompanied a handful of Xanax. It’s hours later and I’m wobbling around like a Bowery bum. And trust me, I’m not complaining.
I feel I have learned a lot over the past two days about myself and my limitations. For instance, I hate Jello, but I really like Tootsie Pops. The term “full of crap” has taken on a new relevance. And best of all, my colon has been carefully inspected and designated good to go until 2018.