Here in the northeast, we have had the coolest, rainiest June on record. Below average temperatures and above average rainfall (it has rained 22 out of the last 24 days) are conspiring to drive us typically stoic New Englanders out of our collective freaking minds. To give you an idea of just how atypical this weather pattern has been, I recently attended the Dave Matthews summer tour concert wearing a jacket and a scarf. We have barely cracked open our windows, much less coveted our neighbor’s central air. Instead of swilling margaritas poolside, we wander the aisles of our local Barnes and Noble, pale as death and unable to shake persistent coughs. And while you may not believe this, my good friend Clarissa tells me that she’s seen trees with leaves that have already started to change color.

          Speaking meteorologically, W.T.F.? In the olden days, weather ruled the harvest and hence, our very survival. Now that we can rely on chemical preservatives, weather’s scope of influence has shrunk to our mental health and vacation plans. While crappy weather is annoying, it’s not like it’s going to kill me, at least not directly, and even so, it’s not like I can bitch slap Mother Nature into compliance. I just have this sinking feeling that summer and the Sears-Back-To-School Sale are going to start on the same day.