January 2009
28 posts
Dress Code
My son Jake went to the same school that his brother Micah does now, which also happens to be where I teach. As a teacher, I am required to dress professionally, like a real grown-up. Even though I still like to complain, I have to admit with each passing day what I wear feels more like clothing and less like a costume.
Then, there’s the student dress code. It’s pretty much...
Pro and Cons
Winter Pros and Cons
PROS CONS
1. Hot chocolate 1. Snow
2 Old snow
3. Dirty...
Unsung Hero
Yesterday I was in the grocery store when I saw a woman I know only slightly. I was picking up cleaning supplies in an effort to ward off the stomach bug that is still rampant at school. I noticed she was eying the contents of my cart, namely two different kinds of Lysol, Purell, paper towels and a jumbo dispenser of antibacterial hand soap. I said something about the virus making the...
Coulter
Who is Ann Coulter? She’s a riddle, wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma, and since I’ve got a list going, let’s tack on repulsive and hateful.
This is a woman who would not even be entering our collective consciousness if not for her appearance. She’s skinny and blond and patrician-looking, so the vomit stream of vitriol comes as a complete surprise. This...
Cafe Reva
Yesterday was our grandniece Reva’s seventh birthday party. The dueling themes of My Little Pony and Barbie were united by a common, unrelenting use of hot pink, which also happens to be Reva’s favorite color.
The location was Café Reva, our niece Aura’s restaurant in Pittsfield, Massachusetts. Café Reva is named not only for Aura’s daughter, the birthday girl, but Aura’s...
Stomach Bug
Yesterday, I went to the teacher’s lounge to grab a cup of coffee before my first class and ran into two teachers- we’ll call them Tim and Jim.
“Hey,” I said. “How’s it going?
“We’re fine,” said Tim. But you should stop at the main office. Six teachers called in sick this morning and they’re desperate for coverage.”
“Six?” I asked. “Wow. I guess it’s flu season,...
Forget the Whimper
My daughter Hannah and my mother share a mutual love of Leonardo DiCaprio, which began back in 1996 with the movie Titanic. Every time a DiCaprio movie comes out, my mother calls Hannah to make a date to see it. Since my mother is no longer able to drive and likes to be in bed by eight, Hannah picks her up and they go to a matinee.
Some of DiCaprio’s post-Titanic movies...
What Part of We Don't You Understand?
For we know that our patchwork heritage is a strength, not a weakness. We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus — and non-believers. We are shaped by every language and culture, drawn from every end of this Earth; and because we have tasted the bitter swill of civil war and segregation, and emerged from that dark chapter stronger and more united, we cannot help but...
Validation
This year, Martin Luther King Jr. Day feels different. A holiday that had a wistful wouldn’t it be nice, I have a dream vibe just got validated, on an epic scale. It isn’t quite like walking into your living room on Christmas morning and seeing a bearded guy in a red suit piling gifts under your tree; it’s more like falling head-over-heels in love on Valentine’s Day. I know for certain...
Relevant
Over pizza Friday night, my friends Claudia and Susan were talking about a guy named Josh Bell, widely considered the best classical violinist in the world. Bell agreed to participate in a little experiment. Just over a week ago, on the morning of January 12,th in the crowded L’Enfant Plaza subway station in Washington, D.C., Bell played for forty-five minutes. Bell can fill concert...
Quick Question
I just saw the extended trailer for The CollegeHumor Show. It looks hilarious, guys, awesome job! Seriously, I can’t wait until February 8th. I just have to mention one thing- and Jakey, forgive me if you find this embarrassing- but, honey, isn’t it kind of amazing that you, who was once so extremely modest that you never took your clothes off, to the point that you refused to even...
Profiling
For the past couple of months, one of our two cats has been pooping in the bathtub on a daily basis. Not only is this disgusting, it also makes no sense because we have a fully operational litter box. We’re not sure if the culprit is Matt or Lucy. Sam thinks the shadow of suspicion falls on Matt, in that he’s ancient, half blind, and, after watching him trying to cozy up to floral...
Line Break
Sometimes you don’t foresee a problem with something until it is staring you in the face. A case in point: my classroom Quote of the Day. Borrowing an idea from our local Starbucks, I begin each class with a quote, which I write on the whiteboard. Yesterday’s quote, by playwright Edward Bulwer-Lytton, was The pen is mightier than the sword. Maybe you can think about this...
Getting the Job Done
My daughter Eliza is transferring colleges, and yesterday I drove her and Rachael to Sarah Lawrence to pack up her room. When we arrived at the dorm, Eliza swiped her student I.D., which elicited the digital response Access Denied. She called the main office to see what the problem was.
I only heard her side of the conversation, which was “but the person told me the dorm...
Global Reflection
Two minutes of the Golden Globes red carpet preview is about all I can take. In those two minutes I learned that when Miley Cyrus turns sixteen she’s getting a Porsche (“but it’s a hand-me-down Porsche,” she faux-pouts. “It was my Mom’s.”). She oozes bored complacence at her celebrity, rather than wide-eyed wonder at the randomness of it, as if being born to a lantern-jawed, one-hit...
Six-Word Novels
I thought it might be fun for my students to work on a six-word novel. Though they are, by definition, short, they are also difficult to write well.
Ernest Hemingway is credited with the first six-word novel, which legend has it was presented to him as a barroom challenge. Here it is:
“For sale: baby shoes, never used.”
Then, there’s this one by...
Less is More
Last night, I went to a friend’s house for drinks and chili. It was great to just hang out and talk, and as I drove home, I thought about how the economic downturn has changed the way we socialize. Instead of excess, there is enough, for which we are newly grateful. People who last year might have served shrimp and caviar are making their own hummus. People who couldn’t wait to impress...
The Flying Nun
When Jake was nine and Micah was an infant, we flew down to Miami to visit relatives. It was February, and a major snowstorm was just getting started. In fact, our plane was the last one cleared for take-off before the airport shut down.
I was thinking that when we reached cruising altitude the ride would be smooth, but a short time into the flight the pilot announced the...
Snow Day
Teaching, like any new career, has a learning curve. While it doesn’t lack for challenges, it also doesn’t skimp on rewards, like the thrill of igniting young minds, or manicotti Monday in the cafeteria. Yesterday, I learned- actually, re-learned- the joy of snow days. Snow days had taken on a different aspect when my children were very young. Not only was I unable to offload them at...
The Offer
I started back to work today, plagued by a feeling of trepidation stemming from the afore-posted Christmas party incident. While alcohol had rendered me unable to recall, specifically, anything I’d said or done, it was likely I had offended someone, and definite that I had embarrassed myself in some manner. Hopefully, enough time had elapsed that my behavior would be eclipsed by some...
Poem of the Day, and Don't Worry, It's Short.
This is a cool small poem by current Poet Laureate Kay Ryan, a Californian who has been described as “an anomaly in today’s literary culture, as intense and elliptical as Dickinson, as buoyant and rueful as Frost.”
The Niagara River
As though
the river were
a floor, we position
our table and chairs
upon it, eat, and
have conversation.
As it moves along,
we notice- as
calmly as...
Congratulations
Yesterday, I was roaming around Soho with three of my wonderful friends. We dropped in my daughter Hannah, who manages a gorgeous upscale maternity shop, Rosie Pope. To give you an idea of how expensive Rosie Pope is, it’s where the Trumps go for their maternity needs. I actually had a mission: to find something that didn’t cost more than our monthly mortgage payment as a gift for the...
Buy, Buy
Yesterday morning, I happened to wake up early, which was an unhappy surprise as I hadn’t gotten to sleep until after 2 a.m. But Nelly was barking and the sun was up so I dragged myself downstairs. While waiting for the coffee to brew, I turned on the T.V. and was greeted by an infomercial for a device called the Pilates Chair. It looked innocuous enough, and former model and...
